06-10-2006 Unforgettable Night

Been quite sometimes since lighted up a stick... what's actually got into me... Why do things have to turn out this way...when trust is being treated like a fool... betray surface.. Not very sure how should i discrib this feeling... definitely not anger.. but really feel the pain in the heart... always thought this kinda pain only happened in movie... never expected that the pain can really be felt...

How trust can be build when everything started with lies.. and no doubt is going to end due to lie.. I admit i was at fault too... but one things for sure... there`s no way i can ever accept lies.. in fact.. it`s amazing that this has go so far... I don't wanna go back to my old self.. years!!! i used years to be what i am today.. but i am detorying it !! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pain is still there... no one will understand.. and i don't think i will ever share with anyone... Let dreams remain as dreams.. reality remain as they are.. stop dreaming and come back to reality... not all ugly ducklings can ever become a swam 1 day...

hopes fade..heart ach... I`m really Giving up... Because i am really tire of trying...

12.51am

爷爷

爷爷..你走了...你真的走了..
爷爷..你走了...我们想念着你..

爷爷..你走了...你真的走了..
爷爷..虽走了...却在我们心中..

爷爷!你慢走...随海浪走吧..
回到中国...回到家乡...

爷爷!你慢走...放心的走吧..
我们会好好...替你照护奶奶..

南摩阿弥陀佛...南摩阿弥陀佛..
南摩阿弥陀佛...不必挂念我们..

29th may 2006 Midnight thought...12.30am

Amazing...been 2+ mths since i wrote something here...have to admit... beside cos com was down for quite a long time..also cos of laziness... -.- anyway..so how shall i start now...hmm..

Alot happened these 2mths..like cousin`s wedding..grandpa bday..sg government election(doesn't concern me though).. REgistering for sch..paying the fee.. ^^$^^ . . etc..But as normal.. i won't have that much time to talk for so long...still need to wake up at 6.30am go camp as usual and start my driving day.. so let focus on my topic for today ba.. Dear and me...

Went batam with jun..1st time experience..as we can't get desaru 1 day trip..didn't really enjoyed the trip..not cos that we actually quarrel there but cos of the raining day that spoil our sport activity plus the lousy food..will nv go there again..but have to say.. it`s still wasn't that bad..cos jun was there with me..with her around..everything seem to be better...

Quarrelled quite often recently due to indifferent in views.. also partly due to trust and promises..most of time except for a few... it`s juz some very tiny whinny matters but i always blow it by making a frust over it.. and of course.. her strong headed mind also played apart in it... althought we both knew it`s juz for each other good..but some how... hai~

Won't discuss much about this here as it`s some private stuff..

Soemtimes me myself also quite confuse.. like.. what i want from her.. is that really what i want.. will she understand my intention... Good intention wun pay without understanding as it will end up becoming restrictions.. but that`s nv what i want..

爱是包容...爱是宽恕...但放着不理会....真的行吗? 有话直说...说了又不肯接受..对吗?两个相爱的人..多了疑惑..问题就来了...有了妒嫉..多了争吵...少了宽容..失去信任...

Lies..really is 1 thing i cannot accept...but have to admit..cos of my temper..sometimes lies eventually surfaces...

I am confuse..not whether i want to continue on this relationshipor not ..cos i know very well i wan and jun will be the only 1 that i want.. confuse cos.. i dunno when have i become so short tempered.. is it cos love her too much...making me worry about everything she do and become angered when she refused to listen and follow especially when she know it`s for her own good...really dun hope she fall sick...cos her weak body can't take it..but guess no 1 will understand how i feel about this but myself... to her.. it`s juz another restriction..

Will change from now on.. juz have to lossen up i guess.. let her have a taste of the fall and learnt from her mistakes i guess..(juz hope it`s not fatal 1..)

Of course... she`s not the only baby in our relationship..i am 1 too.. always 撒娇to her..cos the warm and care she gave is not anyone els that can give to me...

To be the fact..i like doing nothing with jun..juz sit down on some rocks by the beach.. lying on each other shoulder..enjoying the breeze and have a chat..looking into her eye and see my reflection in it...to me.. i really no need anything much... juz her by my side will do...

really love jun alot..enjoy every moment with her around...she`s not juz only my gf..but also an adviser or rather my baby sitter...as alot know.. i always *young* at heart.. But too.. i also have to keep an eye on this kitten who always fall sick..hai~

It`s getting late..1.30am le.. another 5hrs to sleep..guess will be stopping here... hope my angel who`s sick agian will sleep well tonight... i nv say but i am always worry.. guilty night...try to be harsh but can't.. cos really love my angel very very much...




ps:Sorry...

Counting wishing and wondering

Doesn't really have anything in mind to blog actually..things getting better and normal now..ease on mind...

wasn't able to meet up much with jun this week cosshe bz-ing with sch word and all the restrictions..don't really feel good of course..missing her badly..as usual..=P

and other 16days to 22yrs old...really fast..and feeling abit old..(luckily i always feel young at heart.haha) forgot which friend asked me what i want for my bday this yr..n i ans nvm..no need..but actually..what i really wanna said was "i already recieved the greatest gift on earth le..and that`s jun." my only wish i guess will be able to cherish this angel and always having her by myself..nothing can beat havin her in my life..

some people sayid b4 it cos honeymoon period that`s y we are so loving...but the true is..it will always be this way cos my love for jun will only increase w/o unlimit.

army doing fine now too except for all e guard duty we need to do every month..sad right..but no choice..after all it`sjuz a 2 yrs of [S]erve [A]nd [F]*** off..misses the time with freedom b4 army..missing sch life... definely will continue upgarding myself after ns...this will not be where i stop..

guess i have blog quite some stuffs today..realise now adays my blogging really base more on my feeling instead of daily life anymore.. pefer this way too...kk..will stop here for now..hope after this week will be more care free..cheers

ps:realised..blogged so much when i say dunno what to write..guess i also quite a chatter box -.-

what to do...

Things hasn't been smooth recetnly..what we have worried finally came after so long..i dun even noe why...i mean from e begaining it`s this way at least i can understand..but it wasn't so... dunno what they have been thinking..their weird thoughts are driving me to e edge..after all i am still a human..no matter how much stress i cn absorb..there`s always a limit..i dunno when that limit will reach..and i won't wanna know..

worse of all....a this time of all..i can't find a soul at all even to get myself drunk..what can be worse..to forget all these for even a sec also can't...i know how important ** mean to me and i wun ever wanna lose **..but really able to pull everything??i believe i can..from young till now..everytime when stuffs goes rights..only make me wanna do it more to prove nothing is impossible..same goes for now...cos i noe this is wat i wan..and i definely will regret if i lose**..so hell no will i ever let that happen..

nothing much tonight..be a stressful week yet can't really show...wanna go out middle of e night yet e programme dun suit or can't find ww..etc..can really say...when time feeling helpless..blogging is still e best way...

very long since i last really drink..think it`s time to get back that feeling especially rarely that i will not be riding tonight...Cheer!! may all e problem be down the throat too...

Last but no least...jun ah jun...dun always stress urself with sch works..and late night..cos seeing u always get sick is soemthing i won't want...thanx for all e love u giving m..but pls do love urself more too... remenber our promises... love jun always

a rare entry...words from heart

finally have a chance to sit infront of e com now typing(cos sis not home)..my com down le...army bz...+ i wana spend more time with jun and catch up with friends...have to say..juggling btw all these arn't ez...simpily dun have enough time to use...luckily for me...or shall i say..a fortunate guy i am... to have a understanding + super sweet gf who always spare a thought for me.... really glad to haf such a wonderful gal as my gf who always cheer me up during my rainny days...

life havn been easy..driving course was fun yet tiring..got to get back in touch with some army friends.. a wonderful experience..but good things come and go..so does e course...went back to unit and started e driving and training...alot guard duties... and i mean alot.. so far did 3 le..another 2 coming up this mth...nxt week on course again..this week ammo driver..weekend burn...wanna meet up with jun and e rest for majong also haf to cancel..hai...

have to say..jun really a perfect gf..at least to me...nv endng surprise for me... xmas..v day etc.. really love her alot or shall i say..will definetely lov her tru out for life...wan her 22 be my 1 and only 1 gal for life..

my temper hasn't been very good recently...always provoking jun n making her upset..yet..she always try to cheer me up..noe how hard it was to put up with my nonsense..really thanx alot..definetely will change for e better...

army`s bz life make me cherish quality time with jun more...can't have enough of jun...missing her all e time but can only llss...how i hope that i can always b by her side when she`s down or need someone...

been mths since last updates...will try to update more of course..but really need to find times.. those who are still around...thanx for all e waiting... n last but not least to jun if she happened to read it some day... "do take care of urself silly gal..dun always stay up so late especially when ur body can't take it...dun always degrad urself..u r really indeed my wonderful gf n u haf did enough for me...it's time i do soemthing for u...hang on there for ur sch...juz another 2mths 2 go..will alwasy be by u side if i can to go tru everything together...love u always"

3=am le..think will be going back to camp now since no 1 at home...will try to update more often whe i get a new com..for the time being..sorry pple... anyway now while typing all these... i am missing jun again...really miss her alot and feel bad about weekend can't meet up... S.A.F...really sucks.....

up and down..ended with happiness

Really pack up with stuff here and there... wanted to find time to update the past whole mth events as quite meaningful to me... but can't seem tofind the time... anyway... think will do that when i am really free ba....

ok.. let talk about last week...basically a very bz week in army.. training and training... but thanx goddess..jun always there for me after a long tiring day....to brighten u p my day...that`s how important she mean to me...always gif me the energy to goes on....had some up and down here and there but wun go into that....

sat 15 oct 2005... reached home around 1pm had lunch...something happened which nearly made my heart stopped...This was what happened...(cut short) was polishing my bike.. left my puch on my sis bike. in between us was another empty lot for bike.. then this scooter came in between... as my hand was dirty.. nv keep th e pouch by my side...inside >>>my dad wallet which i accidentally took from house..my wallet...my hp..and keys...did keep an eye on it till i turn around wash my hand... when i turn back.. the puch gone..so was the scooter.... totally blank at that moment...can't think much...main reason no t cos my stufff..but my dad wallet which has quite some important document and cash...

Ran all the way to police station which around 600m away...lend the phone and call my hp... then called home ask them to keep calling...not much help..ran all the way back to the carpark hoping the soul will retrun... negative too.. so helpless..went home.. kana scold... deserved it... juz when dad saying.."u think now call the hp still got use meh if the person really meant to take it..." the house phone rang... the voice in the phone say "ni bu jian dong xi ah" >>u lost something ah?... the feeling as if kana toto 1st prize.... met the kind soul back at the carpark....he delivered it all the back from somewhere els...then explained that he was riding then keep hearding hp ringing..then only when reached the location then realise got a pouch infront of his bike... *think must be that scooter took my pouch from my sis bike and place in in that basket..nbz... cos only we 2 were there all the long...and the greatest thing was... everything still inside... $$,document...phone...everything... really grateful for his honesty..the uncle said he last time also kana these kinda thing b4 and the person send it back to his house.. so he noe how i feel...

The End

what i wanna say... really feel lucky.. 9 out of 10 pple.. saw $$ hp... will take and heck care... only 1 will return the ic or so... and 1 dunno out of how many will return everything... so why not try to be the 1/10 pple next time... cos u wi ll nv noe how grateful the other will be... and how important these stuff meant to them...

then evening met ww for prata b4 i meet pj at 6pm..went cine for movie..40yrs old virgin... damn funny...tru out the show laughing..but jun can't understand some of it...after the movie met up with jy go get a cake for ms b4 head for ktv... ms was late..but good la.. manage to surprise her in the end...enjoyed myself singing with jun and eating the cake..haha... only till 2am when it end then sent jun home...and headed to boonlay meet up ww they all for a small gathering which ended up playing majong...won a little bit thanx to jun my lcky star as usual...*nd they all said nxt time cannot let me recieve any call b4 i play le..lolx* around 5am went home and then sleep

16oct 2005

had a weird dream...ok...not really weird... juz something that made me dun feel good...feel low or whatever... affected me totally... and i am really d umb enough to accidentally affected jun too...spoiling her wonderful morning...nothing to eat at home...lazy to buy food also...lazy to do anything..had a slight fever...then talked to jun for awhile she said she bz..had to hang up...so no choice...around 1/2hr later.. she called.. said she is outside my house... -.- that dumb gf..actually came all the way down... though touch but wun wan her to do this kinda stuffs especially when she`s bz... bought food for me somemore knowing i will not step out of the house... very sweet of her...sort things out also.. and promise won't think that way again... then ..****very important**** ... around 1.30pm then company her to the taxi stand to wait for cab as she going tuition... really love her for all these things she do for me... really guilty of me to be such lousy bf... she deserved to be treat better...ya....i dun mean i am giving her up to some better guys... juz saying i will improve and be better...cos dunno how many good gals are there out there.. but at least i found 1 of them.. and i will cherish this only 1 that i love with all i can and forever...now 4.53pm le.. time to pack bag le... tml field camp... going to miss jun alot...looking forward to next book out...

**And jun..if u happened to read.. juz wanna tell u.. dun worry... i know how to take care and look after myself...will prmoise not to do what u told me again..and ya pls.. try sleeping early and have proper meals...look after urself... if unwell dun take stuff that will make u feel worse... though nv always say but i do will worry... especially in army now and can't really take good care of u..so pls do help me by taking good care of urself... **

Been a long time....

well.. lost count on how long i haven update...so consider good news or bad... hmm.. basically due to insufficient time now adays..alot i wanna say and sare yet not enough time..or maybe i am juz lazy...will update what i didn't next week...=)

1st oct 2005 (ww`s bday + chatting heart to heart + freedpm + meet gal)

hmm..yesterday was consider a wonderful night...met gal go ww`s bday..met up the rest there ..gal abit bore...sorry*.. really grateful for her company..though can tell she abit bore...went to the beach for a walk and sat down with gal..when wanna go accidentally let her foot wear dropped into the the sea and helpless-ly watches it being wash away..due to my dumb-ness...went back cut cake and then went off for movie...bought a pair of slipper for gal as ..the lousy 1 snapped..after movie C bride..went TB hill to tour..can't find that place ..think i remenber wrongly ba..after sent gal home.

went back chalet..had alot of funs.. and after that went to the beach hoping to find back that lost foot wear..drank abitwith the rest and lie on the stone for a chat..indeed heart to heart session..guess this is what we always do...wht`s bro for...though life bz and may stress sometimes..but will always be there for 1 another..think alot and realise how xinfu i was... but to be frank..alot of things in life is not up to us control weather to come or go...but we can make a different by thinking the solution to it after it happened instead of giving out...life is like a game..every level a different difficulties...a new expreience..focus on what u should now...a little bit by bit make a very dfferntt... anyway.. alot to say about tonight and the past 1 mth.. will definetely go into details next week..alot thoughts in mind..

for those whose always there for me...thanx alot..to gal "thanx for everything u did...u r more than i can ask for..." to those who think living a mess...dun give up..look around us and realise how many worse..but we all pull tru..alittle down will gain u big steps in future..hang on there...there`s always be someone there lending u a shoulder...if not.. i will be the 1...

quite rush now so everything ver unclear..but..i will be back=)

2nd-3rd Sep 2005 A busy..tiring..yet..enjoyable week

a slacking yet alot sai gang and admin time burning week in army...but hmm.. at least had a great weekend.. so worth it la.. like what many said... there`s always up and down in life... =)

2nd Sep 2005 (Fri) cherish every moment..

Book out at 8.30pm...although rushed..but only managed to reach home 9.45pm..quickly bathed..change and went out to cck meet up gal who was at friend`s bday..understanding gf i had.. told me not to rush and take my time.. even bought quite afew sushi for me as i requested..^_^ and suprised me with another peice of cake and a candy foss... really alot but managed to finish the sushi and cake with alittle of her help.. then went for dinner and farm mart..but the zi cha finished..so took alittle walk around b4 went to Kh camp there for the hokkien mee...shared with her of course as somehow knew she never ate much..

After dinner as still early..went to lebetor park for a little walk and chat..enjoyed every moment with gal..wun say mushy stuff..so no worry..juz wanna say it`s great to see someone u love after a week in army..make every book out such a looking forward 1.

Send gal home around 1.30am as usual.. the usual walk to her house..all these little stuff..and sweetness.. :)

met ShiH at 2am and went over to WanQ`s chalet..bought afew mineral water and crackers...reached around 2.50am... once reached started to drink as lost in everything i played..-.-... and alot photo taking of course..=) glaD to see all of them after afew mths.. enjoyed myself alot even though only a few hrs...and fool around..haha..the same old buddist friends...=)

3rd sep 2005 Sat. (WanQ`s celebration )

with only 1/2hr rest.... and still abit headach from the drinks... changed and went off to changi prison for the yellow badge walk with the comapny of dongH who can't sleep and decided to see me off...damnn...no bus from pasi ris mrt station.. ended up took cab over... saw the rest of my company mates and fall in after that..FALL in AT 7.30am!!!! and the WALK ACTUALLY START at 9.50am...STAND there under the sun for 2 long hrs.. nearly melt... ok.. i am juz a sugar soldier...ahhhh...suppose to be a realxing walk.. but due to the sun...m y garang platoon mate... ended up jog and fast walk most of the time....-.-........ but the achievement when reached finishing point was great...finally rest under shade... then dismissed at 10.50am.told the rest i got something on maybe after that then join them(they went katong play lan and pools) rushed to get my bike and went back to chalet bath..then changed and rushed over to JE meet gal for lunch..she nv expected i would really come..so quite happy ba..at least that`s wat she told me...had duck rice..really full...then took bus to her je tuition place as raining and i said no to bike although she want..(noe u care but ur safety and health come 1st) but her tuition kids last min cancel..and both of us . . .but good lor.. then took my own sweet time to send her home b4 meeting ww at queensway as he getting his bike.. guided him home b4 i rushed down to toapayoh stadium...kinda tired so rested at the stadium aawhile during the match.. but 2nd hald then went off le as sgt allowed..went back to the chalet help out abit here and there..wanQ dad mum quite suprise to see me cutted abit weight..haha.. and of course.. still praised me and the rest for our long yrs of friendship... around 7+pm sis came to... ate the food.. chatted around .. took pics and finally bday cutted cake.. then the few of us went back to room and chat..while i was on phone..made gal admitted her lie.. then tried to sound abit offended.. but ended up cheer her up again dun bare to make her feel uneasy...

left the chalet around 12mn..think wanQ quite ... that most of us leaving.. really sorry...met up ww ,wz,wm... had some fun together..also ww`s 1st night out with his bike.. but around 4+ went off as really tired..need some rest...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

alot to write..but not enough time... will continue this week end i guess.. especially 4th sep was t he day i enjoyed most..

26-28 aug 2005 better and better.. Jy bday

26-08-2005 Fri [Any moment also a great moment]

sms and thinking of her as usual. keep counting down book out timing.not sensitive enough to realise i sms something wrong.. still have the cheek to sms dear gal that "up to u lor"..heng later on call back..phew...so set time meet around 10pm..

reached home around 6.45pm.nothing much to unpack as only went back to camp 1 day only..had a little chat with mum for awhile b4 i went out meet ww for dinner... juz hang around neighbourhood area as later on have to send him back..got this feeling pj will call and chnage the time..and true enough.. haha..meeting her at 9pm.. so after dinner with ww and chat alittle while then send him back and went off to orchard le..

Reached around 9pm waiting for my princess who went ktv...came after awhile.. and wanted to go over to thomson for prata..but.. recently my road direction abit....went paya lebar.. also... ended up went to bedok market* for the prata... went to the 1 pj and jy they all had when they were at ssc. the cheese egg really taste good.. manage to force her eat alittle bit more...had a good time..maybe cos juz the 2 of us.. after eating as still early..went over to end of ecp there sat down by the rocks and chitchat..dunno why i mistaken some trees or what for some humans... -.-.. but really with her around.. any simple stuff also seem so wonderful.. ya.. some will think this is juz some sweet talk..but i mean it..and the reward from her was so sweet. ^_^send pj home around 12.15 as someone had to reach home by 12.45am..不舍得but had to do so ba.. after sending dear gal home.. went pick up ww and meet wz at s11.(think this will be the last time i need to do that as ww bought bike le).as usual.. crap around..till 4am then went home..

27-08-2005 [JY`s bday.]
woke up at 9.45am..thanx to berena..then ginna..and afew other..but realised i accidentally sms pm instead of am..only when berena told me then noe..bath nd change as going to fetch dear pj for breakfast b4 her tuition..went clementi market for my you tiao.. and not hot curry rice..someone said she can't finish and share with me..but ok la since she did quite some of the stuffs...shared table with a family with 2 little boys... cute and cunning i guess.. like to act in order to drink the sugarcane drink..lolx..tabao some you tiao and stuff for grandparents b4 send pj to tuition.told me later no need to fetch her as her parent meeting her.. so after visited granny and grandpa.. went to woodland link bike shop wrapped the seat...(DUNNO WHICH ASS HOLE JEALOUS AND CUT THE SEAT WITH PEN KNIFE).. ^^^$$^^^ then went fetch ww who also wanna go queensway buy bike.. while i go settle installment..damn slow sia that counter lady...ended up met yuJ late.. played billard till almost 5pm b4 going over to HF to meet up yr go sentosa as pj will be late and asked me to go 1st..
reached sunset bay around 5.45pm.. nothing much for us to help out except a few balloon need to be blow up..then slack there.. and took a walk with yr..sound abit gay but ok la.. around 7pm yanli reached.. then berena they all also..slowly everyone reached except the 1 i waiting for and angeline..chatted till until almost time.. took awalk with yr again to try luck weather will see gal along the walk..but fail..took the shuttle bus back and notice they already there.. -.-.. was abit disappointed when she ignored me for awhile...then cut cake.. manage to hold her hand for awhile but also dunno why let go.. think still not ready to let the rest noe..
but dunno why everyone very keen tonight.. all start asking about my msn nick till i also dunno what to reply..and my dear gal didn't even help me... ...only when xr drag me to a corner and question me... then finally decided to tell them ba.. dunno if they were suprise or all the long expected this.. but think yanL quite stunned ba.. haha.. but also good la..no need to hide or what.. party ended around 10+pm..then decided to go bukit Merah mac to chat.. and of course.. pj with me while yr,youJ,ms,wanX share cab while jy join later. me and pj took the bus out to get bike.. 1st time took bus together.. somehow kinda sweet cos we say before we will take public transport and travel around someday...also cos she not allow to take bike.. long yet i hope the time can stop there longer...reached mac arou nd 11.50pm..even jy reached... chatted till 1+am b4 send gal home.. and walked her home also... somehow all these walking really helps us spent more time together also ba.. reached home around 2.30am.. still in my own world thinking of all the wonderful stuffs.. then chatted online with pj and then on phone.. that gal.. damn tired le also wun say.. and dunno how come i keep talking and talking for the night.. dunno what got into me... chatter box i guess...-.- but really a great night i must say.. thanx to Jy.. enjoyed myself ..

28th aug 2005 sun book in day
.. woke up at 11am.. bath everything and develop some pics.. going to get them later when i book in.. pj came online..doing some planning for next week also... now 3.16pm le.. must go prepare soon... sian.. really a enjoyable week..