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试着灌醉...心却还是清醒...
试着忘记...却更记忆深刻...

许下了承诺...却也亲手一一打碎...
问你可曾...真的为我想过...

无法否认...错不完全是你...
我多多少少...也造成今天的局面...

遇上你...
究竟是上天的安排...
还是恶魔开的一个玩笑...

开心的记忆...
如今都变成伤心回忆...

很爱...所以心很痛...
真心付出..换来的却是灰色世界.....

身体上的伤口...会复原...
心灵上的伤口...却将会是永远...

爱你...并不后悔...

后悔的...是为何没能留住你...

Life...

long long ago... a little boy looking forward to growing up... but when time goes.... he regretted... hoping time will stop and things can start afresh like in a video game... but of course... it will never work that way.. and what can the little boy do... what can he do... no one knows... even for he himself...

06-10-2006 Unforgettable Night

Been quite sometimes since lighted up a stick... what's actually got into me... Why do things have to turn out this way...when trust is being treated like a fool... betray surface.. Not very sure how should i discrib this feeling... definitely not anger.. but really feel the pain in the heart... always thought this kinda pain only happened in movie... never expected that the pain can really be felt...

How trust can be build when everything started with lies.. and no doubt is going to end due to lie.. I admit i was at fault too... but one things for sure... there`s no way i can ever accept lies.. in fact.. it`s amazing that this has go so far... I don't wanna go back to my old self.. years!!! i used years to be what i am today.. but i am detorying it !! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pain is still there... no one will understand.. and i don't think i will ever share with anyone... Let dreams remain as dreams.. reality remain as they are.. stop dreaming and come back to reality... not all ugly ducklings can ever become a swam 1 day...

hopes fade..heart ach... I`m really Giving up... Because i am really tire of trying...

12.51am

爷爷

爷爷..你走了...你真的走了..
爷爷..你走了...我们想念着你..

爷爷..你走了...你真的走了..
爷爷..虽走了...却在我们心中..

爷爷!你慢走...随海浪走吧..
回到中国...回到家乡...

爷爷!你慢走...放心的走吧..
我们会好好...替你照护奶奶..

南摩阿弥陀佛...南摩阿弥陀佛..
南摩阿弥陀佛...不必挂念我们..

29th may 2006 Midnight thought...12.30am

Amazing...been 2+ mths since i wrote something here...have to admit... beside cos com was down for quite a long time..also cos of laziness... -.- anyway..so how shall i start now...hmm..

Alot happened these 2mths..like cousin`s wedding..grandpa bday..sg government election(doesn't concern me though).. REgistering for sch..paying the fee.. ^^$^^ . . etc..But as normal.. i won't have that much time to talk for so long...still need to wake up at 6.30am go camp as usual and start my driving day.. so let focus on my topic for today ba.. Dear and me...

Went batam with jun..1st time experience..as we can't get desaru 1 day trip..didn't really enjoyed the trip..not cos that we actually quarrel there but cos of the raining day that spoil our sport activity plus the lousy food..will nv go there again..but have to say.. it`s still wasn't that bad..cos jun was there with me..with her around..everything seem to be better...

Quarrelled quite often recently due to indifferent in views.. also partly due to trust and promises..most of time except for a few... it`s juz some very tiny whinny matters but i always blow it by making a frust over it.. and of course.. her strong headed mind also played apart in it... althought we both knew it`s juz for each other good..but some how... hai~

Won't discuss much about this here as it`s some private stuff..

Soemtimes me myself also quite confuse.. like.. what i want from her.. is that really what i want.. will she understand my intention... Good intention wun pay without understanding as it will end up becoming restrictions.. but that`s nv what i want..

爱是包容...爱是宽恕...但放着不理会....真的行吗? 有话直说...说了又不肯接受..对吗?两个相爱的人..多了疑惑..问题就来了...有了妒嫉..多了争吵...少了宽容..失去信任...

Lies..really is 1 thing i cannot accept...but have to admit..cos of my temper..sometimes lies eventually surfaces...

I am confuse..not whether i want to continue on this relationshipor not ..cos i know very well i wan and jun will be the only 1 that i want.. confuse cos.. i dunno when have i become so short tempered.. is it cos love her too much...making me worry about everything she do and become angered when she refused to listen and follow especially when she know it`s for her own good...really dun hope she fall sick...cos her weak body can't take it..but guess no 1 will understand how i feel about this but myself... to her.. it`s juz another restriction..

Will change from now on.. juz have to lossen up i guess.. let her have a taste of the fall and learnt from her mistakes i guess..(juz hope it`s not fatal 1..)

Of course... she`s not the only baby in our relationship..i am 1 too.. always 撒娇to her..cos the warm and care she gave is not anyone els that can give to me...

To be the fact..i like doing nothing with jun..juz sit down on some rocks by the beach.. lying on each other shoulder..enjoying the breeze and have a chat..looking into her eye and see my reflection in it...to me.. i really no need anything much... juz her by my side will do...

really love jun alot..enjoy every moment with her around...she`s not juz only my gf..but also an adviser or rather my baby sitter...as alot know.. i always *young* at heart.. But too.. i also have to keep an eye on this kitten who always fall sick..hai~

It`s getting late..1.30am le.. another 5hrs to sleep..guess will be stopping here... hope my angel who`s sick agian will sleep well tonight... i nv say but i am always worry.. guilty night...try to be harsh but can't.. cos really love my angel very very much...




ps:Sorry...

Counting wishing and wondering

Doesn't really have anything in mind to blog actually..things getting better and normal now..ease on mind...

wasn't able to meet up much with jun this week cosshe bz-ing with sch word and all the restrictions..don't really feel good of course..missing her badly..as usual..=P

and other 16days to 22yrs old...really fast..and feeling abit old..(luckily i always feel young at heart.haha) forgot which friend asked me what i want for my bday this yr..n i ans nvm..no need..but actually..what i really wanna said was "i already recieved the greatest gift on earth le..and that`s jun." my only wish i guess will be able to cherish this angel and always having her by myself..nothing can beat havin her in my life..

some people sayid b4 it cos honeymoon period that`s y we are so loving...but the true is..it will always be this way cos my love for jun will only increase w/o unlimit.

army doing fine now too except for all e guard duty we need to do every month..sad right..but no choice..after all it`sjuz a 2 yrs of [S]erve [A]nd [F]*** off..misses the time with freedom b4 army..missing sch life... definely will continue upgarding myself after ns...this will not be where i stop..

guess i have blog quite some stuffs today..realise now adays my blogging really base more on my feeling instead of daily life anymore.. pefer this way too...kk..will stop here for now..hope after this week will be more care free..cheers

ps:realised..blogged so much when i say dunno what to write..guess i also quite a chatter box -.-

what to do...

Things hasn't been smooth recetnly..what we have worried finally came after so long..i dun even noe why...i mean from e begaining it`s this way at least i can understand..but it wasn't so... dunno what they have been thinking..their weird thoughts are driving me to e edge..after all i am still a human..no matter how much stress i cn absorb..there`s always a limit..i dunno when that limit will reach..and i won't wanna know..

worse of all....a this time of all..i can't find a soul at all even to get myself drunk..what can be worse..to forget all these for even a sec also can't...i know how important ** mean to me and i wun ever wanna lose **..but really able to pull everything??i believe i can..from young till now..everytime when stuffs goes rights..only make me wanna do it more to prove nothing is impossible..same goes for now...cos i noe this is wat i wan..and i definely will regret if i lose**..so hell no will i ever let that happen..

nothing much tonight..be a stressful week yet can't really show...wanna go out middle of e night yet e programme dun suit or can't find ww..etc..can really say...when time feeling helpless..blogging is still e best way...

very long since i last really drink..think it`s time to get back that feeling especially rarely that i will not be riding tonight...Cheer!! may all e problem be down the throat too...

Last but no least...jun ah jun...dun always stress urself with sch works..and late night..cos seeing u always get sick is soemthing i won't want...thanx for all e love u giving m..but pls do love urself more too... remenber our promises... love jun always

a rare entry...words from heart

finally have a chance to sit infront of e com now typing(cos sis not home)..my com down le...army bz...+ i wana spend more time with jun and catch up with friends...have to say..juggling btw all these arn't ez...simpily dun have enough time to use...luckily for me...or shall i say..a fortunate guy i am... to have a understanding + super sweet gf who always spare a thought for me.... really glad to haf such a wonderful gal as my gf who always cheer me up during my rainny days...

life havn been easy..driving course was fun yet tiring..got to get back in touch with some army friends.. a wonderful experience..but good things come and go..so does e course...went back to unit and started e driving and training...alot guard duties... and i mean alot.. so far did 3 le..another 2 coming up this mth...nxt week on course again..this week ammo driver..weekend burn...wanna meet up with jun and e rest for majong also haf to cancel..hai...

have to say..jun really a perfect gf..at least to me...nv endng surprise for me... xmas..v day etc.. really love her alot or shall i say..will definetely lov her tru out for life...wan her 22 be my 1 and only 1 gal for life..

my temper hasn't been very good recently...always provoking jun n making her upset..yet..she always try to cheer me up..noe how hard it was to put up with my nonsense..really thanx alot..definetely will change for e better...

army`s bz life make me cherish quality time with jun more...can't have enough of jun...missing her all e time but can only llss...how i hope that i can always b by her side when she`s down or need someone...

been mths since last updates...will try to update more of course..but really need to find times.. those who are still around...thanx for all e waiting... n last but not least to jun if she happened to read it some day... "do take care of urself silly gal..dun always stay up so late especially when ur body can't take it...dun always degrad urself..u r really indeed my wonderful gf n u haf did enough for me...it's time i do soemthing for u...hang on there for ur sch...juz another 2mths 2 go..will alwasy be by u side if i can to go tru everything together...love u always"

3=am le..think will be going back to camp now since no 1 at home...will try to update more often whe i get a new com..for the time being..sorry pple... anyway now while typing all these... i am missing jun again...really miss her alot and feel bad about weekend can't meet up... S.A.F...really sucks.....