Wednesday, February 25, 2009

25th Feb 2009 1 more day remaining at Keppel + thoughts that's driving me crazy -.-

Today will be mine 2nd last day working in Keppel. To be frank… the feeling is great except that a little worry of the challenge ahead that I will be facing. Informed Sugu (Senior Project Manager) that tomorrow will be my last day here.. Have to say he is really a nice boss although I only start working for him only 1month... gave me some advices and wishes me all the best. Believe Din and WY will do well under his wing.

Anyway, called the work shop as they are taking a little too long in fixing my car… glad they told me today can get the car le, will be heading down to Enous later. ^_^v Miss my car a lot lo… not only me but my sweet Jun also.

Anyway… having some thoughts again… some negatives thoughts I guess. Share with whoever happens to be reading this…
Ever wonder the meaning of Life??? Why we are here… How we are actually form apart from what science explains… How amazing that all these actually form from dusts… what comes after life? Or rather… what comes after death… Is there really life after death? Or is it just human way of self comforting. People always say “ after death we will go heaven, hell, transform to animals… back to human… souls that wondering around.. God… enlightenment and become Buddha “ Ever doubt these saying? I am a Buddhist. But somehow these question keep appearing to me over the years… What if there isn’t such stuff at all, and we human or anything will just get old, die and that it. .. Like a black hole… Just like a sudden black out… no feeling .. No thoughts… no sight… no nothing… just blank and finish… scary?? At least to me… I keep asking myself… isn’t that unfair if this is really the case… living a whole life to achieve total doom… people keep saying life to the fullest since you won’t know what’s ahead… how to live fullest when you don’t know what’s ahead… Being a nice and good guy the whole life and turn out to be in vain as there isn’t karma which will bring forward to your next life… same for bad guys…

To be frank, these thought has been bothering me since young… when I was a kids, I will cry in bed asking my mum why must we die and my mum will be so lost. Even when at times my dad will explain to me… it still doesn’t convince me. If there really life after death and the final destination of this cycle will be enlightenment and becoming a god or Buddha. Do we really want it? Is that really good? No wars, no quarrels, no emotional… everyone being enlightened will surpass emotion and fully concentrate on just teaching of good… no sex no game no nothing…

Really confusing… everything that is coming into my mind… memories will not stay with you after death… starting a new life in a new body… but isn’t that totally different… Just like inserting others brain into our body… still looks the same but the fact is it totally different person… another example will be your computer hard disk spoilt beyond repairs… by changing a new hard disk installing new programs doesn’t not mean it the same as before… the old 1 is still scrap and destroyed…

Funny thoughts huh?? Some times these thoughts actually confuse me till the extend that I also not sure what I want from the conversation anymore… Guess this is the greatest fear within…

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