Cant believe it has been almost 11years since i wrote anything. When I started writing my first blog I was only 19 or 20. Here I am already in my 40s.
To be honest, life were so much easier back then. The past 20yrs or more... lots of up and down, mostly up though. I have 2 adorable sons and a very responsible wife. A caring mum and dad whom are also great grandparents to my kids. I thought this simple happiness can be forever (At least I thought so).
Never thought I will be searching for a private place to write this one day. As a father and husband, I need to put on a strong front at times... always having the strong shoulders which they can count on.
But I am scare... I am really hurt... seeing my mum's condition and knowing she will probably leaving us soon. I am not ready to accept it. There is so much I wanted to say and so many more stuff which I wanted to do with her... but at the same time, I do not hope for her to worry for us... I hope she find her inner peace... As a Buddhist, for the first time wondering if life after death is real.
I have no words for the pain I am feeling. 13yrs ago I lost my beloved grandma, a few years later I lost my beloved "big brother" before Covid year. I know this day will come one day as we all will age and die... just not so soon...
I love you mum. I wish I can tell you now how much I love you and how much pain I am feeling seeing you everyday now. But guess I can only hide it in my heart. I hope you can feel the love and know your son really really love you.
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